Below are the 2 most recent journal entries recorded in joshquixote's LiveJournal:

Friday, October 13th, 2006
10:45 pm	like zoinks! So yeah, I'm typing for a lack of better things to do. I want to make this journal thing slightly consistent... though I don't see why I need to. I'm really sick of my friends lately... I've mentioned that before, I know, but it's on my mind a lot. Here's my excuse for the reiteration: My birthday is this Sunday... I'll be 19, party time! I am thinking of my friends because I realized that I have nothing to do this weekend. I want to go out to a club; just because I can now, not because I'll enjoy it. Then again, I might have fun... with the right people. And they are nowhere to be found. My friends have also invited me to hang out on Saturday, and I really just don't want to do that. I don't want to hang out with my ex-girlfriend, a girl who callously cheated on her boyfriend (at least both he and I consider it cheating), and her new boyfriend who was my best friend of the theatre bunch until he started dating that selfish skank. Oh, and there's the girl with the apartment whom I have nothing against at all, but that's one out of four. Sorry! They all consider me to be their friend, but I don't know if the feeling is mutual anymore. It's very confusing. In shallower news: the Scooby-Doo live action movie is on TV, and I found myself watching it because my little brother had it on. The movie is very confusing and seemingly contradictory to all of Scooby-Doo for this reason: Velma is hotter than Daphne. This should not be. It makes no sense. Velma is supposed to be the smart one and Daphne the ditzy smokin' hotness. Yet Velma's hotness is greater than or equal to the hotness of Sarah Michelle Gellar with red hair? It shouldn't be true. But it is. Geektastic hotness. "Oh no you di-int." Current Mood: complacent (Comment on this)
Monday, October 9th, 2006
9:03 am	First post I wanted my first post to be more "about me," but I want to get this out of my head so I can write my essay in peace. For the first time in my life, I said it. I stood there, blankly, in front of an open props cabinet, staring at the eclectic mess of items I had assembled from various locations. Some props were hell to get, some I had bought in a frenzy two weeks before, some I had hastily obtained in the last few days. I had just received more acrimony from my arrogant stage manager and been yelled at by the director for not making a large enough fish jello mold. I had recently read the cast list for Urinetown: the Musical and seen that I was not on it even though I had a pretty good callback, and then saw that some of the guys on the list could not possibly have been better than me. I had just gotten out of a 9-day relationship with the new theatre scholarship girl because I had started it by impulsively kissing her, spent the next week kissing her in various locations and positions, and the last two days actually talked to her and realized that she was insane. I had spent the last year making friends with other such morally depraved psychos because "deep down, they're really nice people" and "they're all I've got anyway." And most recently of all, I just found out that another girl who used to like me started dating my new guy friend yesterday when I didn't show up to hang out with them so it was just the two of them and I immediately realized that I was jealous even though she's also a psychopath so I don't want to be with her but I admit that I really would've liked that hot little body against mine even though I believe in sex after marriage and I'm a Christian and I don't drink, smoke, or do sexual things EVEN THOUGH I'm apparently not above making out passionately in the back seat of the car after kissing all over my now-ex's neck when I deliberately knew it would really turn her on and I did it anyway because it all felt great. With all this in my head, I stared into the props box and said out loud, "I hate theatre." Because I feel that it's turning me into a bad person who hangs out with bad people. And I feel like crap for calling them bad people. Maybe they're not so bad. But they do these awful things, and then they brag about them. Like theatre people HAVE to engage in every kind of depravity known to man, that it makes you more of a "theatre person." Obviously my friends have listened to "La Vie Boheme" one too many times. I don't want to compromise my morality. And I don't want to turn my back on my friends, because some of them are genuinely my friends, but I'm tired of uncertainty. I'm tired of trying to judge or not judge them. I realized recently that all of them are currently going to hell. If a bomb hit the theatre today, I'd be the only one with God. I don't want to be attached to people I'll never see again. People who will be in eternal torment because they can't accept Jesus. They can't, I've tried, somewhat. They've seen or experienced too many evils in their past. I can't deal with this. But I need the scholarship. And I'll at least have an AA in theatre arts and can use it as a minor if I finish this year. I just wish I wasn't stuck with these people. I find out what and who's directing for the student show today. I hope it's either me directing or a good play. Maybe getting in a show (on the creative aspect, that is) will revive my love for the theatre. Because I love the art. I'm just so sick of the people. Current Mood: down (Comment on this)